I hate that I let you do this to me. Every single step I take I think what if he turns out to be the bastard that you were.
Every chance I get to make a move I think, no I’ve done enough trying with you to last me a lifetime.
I’m afraid to take a risk.
I’m afraid to see this through.
I’m afraid he’ll turn out to be just like you.
And I’m angry at myself for what you do to me. Even from miles away you’re still trying to ruin my life - and I’m letting you.
What if he’s no better and just wants to use me
What if he’s just playing until he gets bored
I’ve lost so much of the confidence I knew I once had because of you and your flock of friends - for what you did to me, what you put me through
Now, I feel like I’m worth nothing and by nothing deserve nothing.
Do I deserve to be happy like this and look forward to something that could happen or is this just all another misery in the making?
My mind is clouded and my heart is guarded. My walls are up, and my point of view blind-sided.
I just hope that you won’t hold me back anymore. I loathe you with all of my being and sometimes I hope and I pray that what you put me through gets back to you soon. But most times, I pray more that you realize what you did and learn from it and learn to give out respect like you never did.
And I pray that I can bury you deep into my past so that I can believe in myself again and act on my own terms - never comparing anything or anyone to what you’ve done and who you were and how you treated me and how you almost ruined my life.
I’m glad I got out when I did but I still have a lot of work to do.
PS: you have no right to ask about me or how I’m doing. And you certainly have no right to think what’s good and not good for me.
I really hope you realize what you’ve done and if not I hope you rot in hell.
And if you do, may your judgment be a little lighter than should be.