September32014

Tinder: The Casual Hookup Hustler, a Good Vibes Only Movement story

Part 4 - EXPOSITION

WARNING: X-RATED, MAY INVOLVE FOUL LANGUAGE AND REFER TO INAPPROPRIATE ACTIONS/DECISIONS/SITUATIONS AND NOT SUITABLE FOR PERSONS BELOW 18

So we enter the club with a help of a friend and oh did I think I was a magnet for trouble. First thought in my head? How do I get myself in these awkward situations, and I wondered just how bad I would feel going home that night! Yet again, I have fallen prey to a douchebag’s game. Lingering thought of the night? “Why oh why Cola!”

I could’ve sworn I swore off basketball players ages ago. Doesn’t mean I love the game, I have to involve myself with an actual player. QUE HORROR.

My heart was racing because I didn’t know how to react to what I just saw and I certainly didn’t know how to act at that particular moment. Do I duck, drop and roll? I didn’t know. Do I ignore it or get mad out loud? I was pissed but I wasn’t going to make a scene. If there’s one thing that I’ve always been uncomfortable doing, it’s being confrontational. I mean, sometimes it’s absolutely necessary but as much as possible I try to avoid it. Keep in mind that I was intoxicated too and almost faded. My emotions were running on the adrenaline from the highway I just took, and the alcohol that was running through my system and the Red Bull that I had just drank contributed to that volcano of emotions too – I was a lot confused about what was happening and half the time I thought I was imagining it. A, who knew the whole story (okay maybe a big chunk of the whole story at that time – will get back to that later), held me and told me to keep my cool. And just when she was saying that he passes right by us AGAIN hand in hand with that girl, his friends behind him and the two other girls they were with. In an instant, A reaches out to say hi and just like any intoxicated douchebag who sees a familiar face, he smiles a stupid smile says hey and gets pulled away. I half wished he didn’t see me, like a true runaway I just wanted to get my ass out of there. At the same time, I didn’t want to. At the same time, I thought to myself how frazzled I was from running every single time trouble’s about to get to me. At the same time, I thought to myself: I’ve been through worse situations in my life, this is just one more to add to the list and it wasn’t even that bad, he was just macking on some girl in a club – I’m sure I’ll make it out just fine. Besides, I did mention that I felt like he wasn’t giving me much of a challenge the past few “hang outs”, maybe this was the universe’s way of shoving it to my face saying, “here ya go, you wanted it, you asked for it, you got it. Here’s your effin’ challenge”.

So, I decided to stay with A and the people we came there with. By the time we found a spot with the rest of the friends’ crew, I had an eagle’s eye view of the whole club and I’m pretty sure everyone could see me too. Pretty sure everyone knew I was wasted. I was the “girl standing on the couch holding up two different drinks enjoying the music, shaking her booty” or so I looked. I tried to get the idea of Mr. D being in the same club macking on some girl out of my drunken mind. I was trying to evaluate, intoxicated, if I should be mad at him and tried to retrace my steps the last few weeks. Do I have a legitimate reason to get upset? Just when I was halfway through my drunken decision to overthink, they appear right beside me grinding like there was no tomorrow and as if the only thing missing was for everyone to throw them a thousand dollar bill EACH so they could get a proper hotel room. So, I move to sit on the couch to keep myself from getting further disgusted and before I waste my own pocket money to throw at them. I thought he was classy but he was trashier than any girl I’ve ever seen before. Granted he was in a shirt and jeans, if I remember correctly, but even the girls with their thongs seen got nothing on him. Yes him, not her. Poor girl didn’t know what she was getting into.

It was as if every corner I went he was there, too. At one point, I knew he knew I was right next to him. Next thing I know, he sits right behind me on the couch and starts groping the girl and makes out with her like a grizzly bear devouring an inferior animal and I turned and I saw and I turned back to face A and another friend, gave a face and you can tell that I was pissed.

Never mind that he was hand in hand with a random chick entering a club, never mind ignoring me and not saying hi and acknowledging my presence, never mind him grinding on her to a beat I bet none of them heard or purposely ignored and never mind them sweet talk shit to each other. BUT TO SIT RIGHT BEHIND ME AND DISRESPECT ME TO THAT EXTENT, oh you know it got me all riled up. Being with another girl and ignoring me, I was already disrespected, but I thought about it and Hong Kong’s too small. Where else can you bring a girl to mack on her? So, I let that one go.

BUT, REALLY? RIGHT BESIDE AND BEHIND AND THEN IN FRONT OF ME? It was like 10 seconds of REALLY bad sex – trying to do me in all 3 positions in 10 SECONDS. Now that’s f’d up.

It riled me up all right, and it riled me up really good. My blood was boiling and at any moment I was going to explode. First thought on my mind though? Where else has that mouth been? And I felt very dirty myself. I kept trying to stop myself from tapping him on the shoulders and calling him a douchebag. A and the other people we were with said not to do it that it wasn’t worth it trying to divert my attention to the men who were actually paying me some attention. But I wasn’t over it. I wasn’t just going to sit there like I would’ve done before and let someone make me feel like a fool and make a fool out of me. I’d like to think that I was brave enough to finally do something for myself. So, I did it. I tapped him on the shoulder halfway their gross club make out and said with all the air I had in my lungs, “YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG!” AND I couldn’t believe it! – he looked at me like I was a crazy person 2 full seconds, TURNED BACK to the chick and started making out with her like that 5 seconds of confirming that I was there didn’t happen. That was the last of it. I said to myself, yup I’ve done what I wanted to do and I got that out of my system. Time to go home. This asshole is unbelievable. I CAN’T BELIEVE I COOKED FOR THIS DOUCHE. I hope he somewhat choked on that chicken. Thank goodness I didn’t make that much of an effort to make it. I told A I was ready to go home, and she said okay, the night was finally about to end.

I had to make a quick trip to the ladies’ room when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and in an instant I wondered, “I wonder what I did to deserve this, this time” and then a flood of emotions blasting from the past took over me and I couldn’t help the tears from running through my eyes. A saw, held my shoulders and asked me to look her in the eyes and to repeat what she said: “I’m worth it”. Even as I’m typing it up now, I can’t help but shed a tear or two. I did as I was told of course and I was told to keep repeating it – out loud and in my head. The conscious side of my brain said to stop it and suck it and go home. So, I kind of did.

Walking to the cab line, almost falling and tripping down the hill, I felt like I spent a week of emotions on one night. It was definitely a series of unfortunate events, and ups and downs and insane thoughts and bad vibrations from bad people.

Yes, I put out the first night we met. YES I SHOULDN’T HAVE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT I WAS EASY FROM THEN ON. But I think I’ve given him enough reason and shown him at multiple occasions that I’m someone to be respected, not a hoe! And especially from someone his age! What is up with all of these boys claiming to be “men”. Doesn’t mean you work in a corporate world you’re counted as one. Act like it.

Once again, I felt like trash – like I wasn’t good enough for yet another douchebag. I felt unwanted and misused and my feelings abused. I felt like a toy that was outdated, a Nokia 3310 and last year’s edition of a Macbook Pro. I felt absolutely awful and all I wanted to do was to smack a bitch (bitch being Mr. D), go home and sleep. Sadly, I didn’t get to do the first one.

Like always, I tried to sum up how my night went down and I couldn’t believe that all in one night the following had happened:

  1. My French professor bailed after agreeing to meet my high school friends and I up for weeks now.
  2. I saw the chick that Manila guy kicked me out of his room for to have sex with.
  3. I got insanely drunk.
  4. I took a highway in some random toilet I’ve never been before with a random Moroccan I had just met.
  5. I drunk-texted Mr. D when I shouldn’t have.
  6. Mr. D just happens to be at the next club we were going to WITH ANOTHER CHICK, hand. in. hand.
  7. Mr. D takes disrespecting me to a whole new level by making out with the chick right in front of me.
  8. I actually tapped him on the shoulder and shouted, “YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG” to his face.
  9. He looked at me like I was crazy after that.
  10. Mr. D continues on with his sexcapade and completely ignores what I had just said to him to his face. Well, I guess he was on a mission to get laid that night. Never mind that it was some random girl he met in a club (as per the girl’s friend - yes we met them, we’ll get to that later). He needed to get ass or a vag or whatever term “homeboys” call it nowadays. Never stopping, never stopping!

But NO, said the universe and God and whoever else out there who does have control over fate and mine in particular. It does not stop at that, oh no it doesn’t. They said, “No Cola, your night’s not done. You haven’t seen the best of it yet”. And true enough - the best of it, I still did have to see.

- End Part 4

September22014

Tinder: The Casual Hookup Hustler, a Good Vibes Only Movement story

Part 3

WARNING: X-RATED, MAY INVOLVE FOUL LANGUAGE AND REFER TO INAPPROPRIATE ACTIONS/DECISIONS/SITUATIONS AND NOT SUITABLE FOR PERSONS BELOW 18

I have this one friend who also came to visit me in Hong Kong for my birthday also because she wanted to celebrate her birthday “out of town”, which was on the same month. She warned me about Tinder boys, having gone through one that really broke her heart. Her fling went on for a long time and it went down the drains too easy and too fast that she was afraid it was going to happen to me, too. Pushing that thought to the back of my head, it would constantly make its way back to the center of my thoughts later and I ABSOLUTELY hate it when I conform to the pool of over thinkers – it never does anyone any good.

Friday night he was “chilling” with a friend so I said okay, he’s not bound by me, and I honestly couldn’t care less. He should be able to do his own thing like I should be able to do my own thing - not even debatable. Saturday, I had a big office junk party and couldn’t care less about what was what and lost in paradise. By the time I got back and wanted to share my little escapade and showed a little interest in his day, he seemed impassive. I distinctly remember asking about the kids he taught basketball to on Saturdays, and that was that – like a wallflower he just didn’t think I was worth the respect of a decent reply. And I thought, well okay he must be tired teaching kids basketball the whole day, and took it as it was - no biggie. I mean, there’s always a good reason behind every action. Sometimes, it’s just not good for us but it’s still a good reason.

As much as possible it’s best to give people the benefit of the doubt than to jump to absurd conclusions because it doesn’t faze them, but IT WILL bother you!

I was definitely a little bothered, though. Yes, laugh at the fact that trying not to be bothered and giving people the benefit of the doubt can fail. It’s really a girl/woman thing to be bothered. We were wired this way. For some reason, the thought implanted by my friend was constantly making its way to the center of my mind. I can take a hint but I wanted to be sure. So, I made an effort to meet up. If there’s one thing I hate more than liars, it’s inconsistent liars. I hate it when people make a constant effort and all of a sudden stop for no apparent reason or no reason given at all and then they just make up shit. I hate when people flake and when people bail; when people lead you on. I hate it when they say one thing and mean another. I hate it when they’re all nice and inquisitive about you and then when you get into it they respond with a simple “K”. Shallow? I don’t so. We’ve already stooped as low as using technology as a means of communication to the point that it’s the ONLY form of communication. The least we could do is to ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE.

That Monday, I asked about how his schedule was like that week and asked if he wanted to hangout. He replied making it seem as if he was busy the whole week, and I genuinely believed him. I was having a tough time keeping up with work and he claims to be a sales manager for some company and that must take a lot of time and effort - running a sales team. I always thought highly of him for that – not everyone has the capability to run a team, much less make it work, efficient and productive. If he says he’s busy at work, then he must be and who was I to doubt? And if he wasn’t then he wasn’t and he probably wasn’t doing a great job at what he does. He did say that he would be down to meet up on Thursday if he gets enough sleep Tuesday and Wednesday so I said okay, sounds promising. But at the same time, I felt like I was in the dark – waiting for this guy to confirm whether or not he can actually make it. I always thought that society shuns women who push themselves to men. Girls have grown up fighting for the attention of men because we were taught to do so (and our parents didn’t even have to say it out loud), but if we actively seek for the attention of men and make the first moves we are instantly shunned by society as well. So, for a moment I was confused at how I saw myself in that situation. Was it right of me to ask or was it shameful? More importantly, did I care? Because I did it anyway.

Thursday was right around the corner and I was actually feeling a lot better than I had been the past few days. Just the night before I may or may not have shed a tear or two on my way home, on the train, on the bus and as I got into my house, as I grabbed something to eat, waited a little bit for my sister to get home from Wan Chai ladies’ night and watched The Holiday so I have murmured voices to help me fall asleep.

Okay, so rewind to Wednesday.

It wasn’t at all that awful, just a lot of emotions triggered from overthinking. Wednesday, the one constant thought I had was “I am in charge of my emotions”. But every single time the thought would cross my mind; it was like the universe was constantly testing me on that one particular thought. For example, I had a million and one thing to do at the office to the point that I just wanted to stand up and give up THEN I would go back and think “I am in charge of my emotions” and it would be completely irrational to give up. AND THEN something else comes up that makes me doubt the thought over again. The whole day seemed to be a constant cycle of that, and on my way home where everything could finally be silent, I gave in to my doubts. I thought and asked myself if I would be as doubtful if I hadn’t gone through what I did in Manila. I asked myself if I’d be any different, and would I be taking more risks, would I be so careful, and would I be who I am today. For a while I blamed Manila guy for teaching me to think that I wasn’t great enough for anyone, much more him, and it was that thought – that particular thought that led me to feel one thing after another. I felt like I had just lost what was the most important; most valuable jewel to me ALL OVER AGAIN and remembered how he didn’t care about it. I remembered how he didn’t ask what I went through and made our conversations about making him feel better about him in that situation. And there, I just turned from “I am in charge of my emotions” to the complete opposite and gave him that power over me like I once did before. Realizing this, I quickly tried to pull myself together before bed and I swore to myself that that was the last time I will ever let him have that power over me. I wiped my eyes dry, shut my eyes and fell into a deep slumber right after.

Thus, I woke up Thursday morning feeling a lot better bothered but better.

So, back to Mr. D! I sent him a follow up message asking if he was down to hang out after work. Of course he said no, and I wasn’t at all surprised. It wasn’t the first time I had been shut down, Manila guy did it over and over and over until I was numb. But to make it interesting he added a bit of “maybe next week when things slow down we could” and I thought yeah sure but I wouldn’t count on it. He then asked about my week and I thought, “Oh, okay this dude is THE epitome of inconsistency”, but I gave in and told him how my week was and we left it at that. It was then that I realized that I did my best, and there’s no point forcing someone to be interested in you if they aren’t. I spent the last few years of my life doing that with one douchebag and I certainly wasn’t going to do that all over again for just another douchebag who I barely even know.

I did like the thought of having someone there, you know? I liked the idea that if I got drunk I’d have a go to person I can drunk-text or drunk-call. I mean, it’s never ever really fun in the end and you end up all regretful and embarrassed but the thought was a nice one because it meant that I wasn’t so alone in that aspect of my life.

I hope you’re prepared for a little more excitement because I haven’t even gotten to the BEST part yet.

FRIDAY AUGUST 29, 2014 – Long day at work, the usual routine Friday where I head to Racks to see my DJ friend and wait for a couple of my friends (Usually A or B) to come by and hang with me. I was actually supposed to meet up with my French professor who I had the biggest crush on from my high school with a bunch of my high school friends but he ended up bailing being that he claims that he is an old man. So, I just waited around for A a bit and we spoke and I caught her up with what was happening with Mr. D and she caught me up with what was happening with her – very normal, uninteresting Friday night.

Well, maybe not exactly. I try not to remember but I’m pretty sure I saw the girl who Manila guy kicked me out of his room for to sleep with. This chick had balls, though. That night I was SO drunk and… was on other things that I could barely move. Still, this chick made sure that I got home and even got me to climb my apartment just so she could stay over. Yeah, I might’ve lost my house keys that day and thank goodness I didn’t fall to my death.

Note: I was really tired from work but for some begotten reason, I told myself that I was going to drink and drink I did, did I.

We moved from Racks to another club where I got a little bit more wasted than usual and I may or may not have taken a highway but I was feeling a lot better and so I did the next stupid thing – I asked Mr. D if he was out. And what do you know – he was! I instantly regretted asking of course it was one of those “hmm, I think I need some company later tonight” moves that women don’t usually succumb to. I don’t usually do it but I did it and up until this moment, I’m not sure how I feel about it. But right away, I told A about it. She clearly didn’t approve but what could she have done at that moment? My stupid ass had already done it. Obviously, after making it known that he was out, though, and asking where I was and me answering back and him know, he doesn’t reply. It might’ve just been a scam so he’d know where NOT to go. Is he that smart? He never gave me the chance to pick his brain and find out. So, let’s give him that benefit of the doubt.

The funniest thing, though, was right after I had sent that message a friend sends me a heads up saying, “Hey so I think I saw your Tinder boy making out with some chick at Racks”, and WITH ALL HONESTY my first reaction was - I laughed. And then, I got pissed. But I thought to myself, how do I really know my friend knows what he’s talking about. He’s definitely just looking out but no point getting pissed off about something that may or may not be true, right? Besides, it’s not like Mr. D led me on to believe that he wanted to get to know me as human being and not just some random chick. Why would I get mad?

So, keep up with me – we’re still on Friday. After the club where we had moved to, we moved to another club. I was almost faded but I had A beside me and I didn’t care about anyone else. I was having a great time. Walking to the next club, I was just going on and on and on about how happy I was that people who I respect and respect me in return surround me. It was a new flavor, and I liked it.

Stop, look back to check A is right behind me. Look up, and what do I see next? Mr. D with a bunch of his friends who I had previously seen at Racks entering the same club we were about to go into, hand in hand with some chick accompanied by 2 other girls. Stop. Look back eyes wide-open, jaw dropped. “A, I just saw Mr. D enter the club holding some ratchet ass Asian girl’s hand”.

What happens next, you will never believe!

- End Part 3

1AM

Anonymous said: would you go out with me? although im sure you friendzoned me already.

Haha! Who are you!

September12014

Tinder: The Casual Hookup Hustler, a Good Vibes Only Movement story

Part 2

WARNING: X-RATED, MAY INVOLVE FOUL LANGUAGE AND REFER TO INAPPROPRIATE ACTIONS/DECISIONS/SITUATIONS AND NOT SUITABLE FOR PERSONS BELOW 18

The next weekend, I finally met up with Mr. D at this bar where I found out that one of my DJ friends were spinning at. Being the brave girl that I am, I brought a group of friends with me. If I weren’t interested in him, I’d have an excuse to get out of it and if I did – my friends would totally understand. A little liquid courage, a few rounds of beer pong, a little chit chat for impressions and next thing you know, you’re getting into a cab and TAKING HIM HOME. Yes, I took him home the first night we met. It was either that or get a hotel room - which apparently is what he usually does (red flag), and so not creepy at all right. But anyway, here’s the equation I came up with to explain my actions: intoxication + deprivation + a need for a comeback + welcoming the birthday weekend = bad decisions. And it wasn’t even a Wednesday! (Holla at my peeps from Manila behind Bad Decisions Wednesdays at Black Market – I embodied the concept for the past three weeks, yes I did)

More than just the idea of finally being interested in someone else; someone new – it was a great night because I was finally open to trying something new, something I’ve never done before and just watched my friends do in the past. Aside from all conscious (and unconscious efforts) to make the night one for the books to someday tell my children when they’re old enough, I felt so comfortable in what I was doing that it shocked me a little bit. I was actually going through with it.

He held my hand the whole walk to a cab and for once I didn’t feel like I didn’t deserve my hand to be held. He was such a gentleman, and for over 2 years I didn’t feel like being with me or being seen with me was embarrassing. And obviously, I appreciate the small pool of gentlemen left in this world. As the night passed and the quick but very much appreciated deed was done back home because he had lost his condom somewhere in my couch, he left to go home in the morning. And as he was about to leave a single thought came into my mind: “nothing beats a one-night stand like a tiny peck on the lips bidding him goodbye, sayonara, thanks for the good time!”

Getting back home, the first thing I did was look for the missing condom. Next, I called my best friend who knew all my plans from the night before and gave her the complete 411. I told her I felt like a completely different person just because I don’t put out on the first night and went ahead to say, “but I don’t really expect to hear back from him and I got what I wanted. A one-night stand would have been icing on top of my birthday cake”. I didn’t even tell him it was birthday week and I didn’t want him to find out. Under no circumstances do I want someone to think that they were getting lucky because it was my birthday – casual sex would have just made it a lot simpler. And honestly, I didn’t expect to get some until maybe after I was too intoxicated to battle my womanly urges.

To the women offended by other women who talk about sex so casually: don’t. Why can’t we talk about sex as a casual thing like men do? Why do we have to give them that power and we don’t give ourselves the same?

He followed up, though. It came across as if he was making a genuine effort to get to know me. My friends were saying to just flow with it and to meet him halfway. He seemed cool and I was definitely interested enough to see what else he had to offer after that quick dirty rendezvous at my house and I wanted to pick his brain and find out how he thought. Taking into consideration that the lights were a bit dark and the music was too loud at the club we met at, maybe something different was what I needed to figure out what else it was that he wanted from me and if I really wanted to pursue this. After a few chats I decided that I would invite him out to my actual birthday drinking plan at this amazing rooftop bar in Wan Chai with my friends. Not exactly what I had in mind to get to know him better but hey it’s a step forward, I thought. Unfortunately, he had a game the same night so we decided to hang out the day after. On my big day, he finally figured out it was my birthday and he made an obvious effort to want to make our “hang out” a lot cooler than how we originally planned it. I thought, hey maybe he’s legit and maybe I could really like someday if he keeps this up. I was excited, no doubt. Guys don’t really ask if they can take me out to dinner, and since I moved to Manila I haven’t had the time to be asked – take into consideration the 3 years I wasted chasing after some douchebag who would literally ask if I wanted to grab something to eat just so he can use my car and of course 3 or 4 others friends would tag along. So, I was excited but I was a whole lot of nervous too. I’m not going to go into details but I didn’t know how to be around someone who could potentially be a great guy for me. They don’t exist in my universe. Rather, they didn’t. All the great men I have in my life are not the men that I would potentially end up with and I’m okay with that because from being around them I’ve made a list of what a great man should be for me.

Long story short, it took a little warming up to get into an actual interesting conversation. At one point he was throwing out plans like grabbing burgers someplace and doing this and doing that soon, getting on the court with him. I was a bit shocked, and the first thing on my mind was, “whoa, hold on tiger”. I mean, it was nice to hear and I guess it was meant to make me feel like I could look forward to something. But I was honestly more afraid that he was going to get into it quicker than I was, and I wasn’t sure I was there just yet. Once done, we decided to head back to my place and yet again a little booze and grass could only mean sex would be good. I appreciated that he agreed to spend time with me even as he had work early the next day and basically stayed the whole night. I felt bad but I appreciated it. I would definitely say icing on an added layer to my current birthday cake.

That Friday, I went back to the place where we first met but it was intended to be a girls’ night out. I was with two of my friends from Manila who had just recently moved to Hong Kong, too - T and V. And of course I got drunk. Of course there was a message that came in a little past midnight from Mr. D saying that he hoped I had a good night because of course I had mentioned it the Wednesday before that. Of course I replied drunk asking where he was. Of course, he showed up right away. Of course, I took him home. Off. course.

I’m really trying to make this as clean as possible but I’m afraid the impact wouldn’t be as strong if I keep holding myself back, so please forgive me for being blunt and crass and I hope you keep reading   

Everyone who knew what was happening thought it was going great and they were all happy to see that I was slowly REALLY getting over Manila guy. They all thought that me making this BIG step was good for me. I, on the other hand, was still adamant that I could ever deserve something that could turn out to be good, EVER. I had my doubts and I wanted to play it safe. I liked the feeling of being newly interested in someone. It’s like starting a personal spontaneous adventure and you don’t know where it’s going to lead you. I liked it but at the same time my past just kept haunting me and as the days passed I became more anxious than I was excited, and then I was just plain out nervous.

I heard back from one of my good friends in Manila that Manila guy asked about me about the same time that I started seeing Mr. D. He asked how I was doing and she said that I was doing really well and had just started seeing someone. BAM! That did the trick. I can always rely on him ruining EVERYTHING for me. I think that from that moment on, I was more aware of what was then happening to me and what I was doing. At the same time, I felt the pressure to make something out of it because 1) Manila guy has been told that I was seeing someone. 2) If it doesn’t work out, I’d end up looking like the sad puppy he fucked over just a year ago and who he knew was still not over him after he made it clear to the whole wide world that I wasn’t good enough for him by not caring about what had happened to me and getting himself a new girl in a snap of a finger or maybe even half a snap.

The following week, I had made plans with Mr. D again. Dinner on a Wednesday, and I was afraid it was becoming a routine. I get off work pretty late and it was apparently raining so he planned to just get takeout and we can go back to his friend’s place, who was out of town for a week and he was flat sitting for. I was tired so I said okay. He asked me to take a cab to his place and I waited a good 5-7 minutes for him to pick me up from where he asked me to go (2nd red flag). When he finally met me, he makes me walk (in my heels) around the area so we can get takeout (3rd red flag). He failed completely in that aspect but he was nice enough to admit it. Still, I was bit taken aback. Nowhere good was open so I just suggested that we get something from the grocery store near his friend’s place and I could just cook. I didn’t want to walk another kilometer in my heels, and I thought that would be the smartest thing to do. What wasn’t smart was offering to cook and at that cooking chicken. We got up to his friend’s place and I got all my ingredients ready for my cooking experiment. I’m not an expert, mind you. At the same time, we got blazed which made it more difficult to finish cooking. After that it was the routine hang out and the routine song picks and the routine let’s go rest. At that moment I was thinking what is it that I REALLY wanted out of this. I’ve done routines before with Manila guy and that led me nowhere. I moved to Hong Kong because I didn’t want the same routine. I got a job that was completely different from what I was doing because I needed something new that would challenge me. Mr. D just wasn’t challenging me enough and especially at that moment. I didn’t want to prolong what I knew was going to happen anyway so I just made the first move and said to myself, I need to go home after this. It got a bit dirty – literally and a bit gross. And I ended up feeling embarrassed and feeling bad because it wasn’t his place in the first place. I was a bit bothered but I was just too baked and too tired that all that was in my head was that it was going to be a long trip home.

I got home that night feeling like how I felt when I was back in Manila. I felt like the progress that I had made was voided by the actions that I had indulged myself in the past few weeks. Always, I have feared that I wasn’t given the luxury to act my age and to have fun like girls my age do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. I was finally able to do that, but I thought to myself that maybe the reason why I haven’t done what most girls my age would do was because I didn’t need to and I didn’t really want to.

But enough about that, let’s get back to dealing with Mr. D.

After the last time I saw him, it seemed as if things were still right on track. He was responsive, and he seemed like he was still interested. But if I remember correctly it was Friday that same week when things started to go downhill. And I guess you can say that I saw it coming, just not in the way that it actually happened.

- End Part 2

August312014

Tinder: The Casual Hookup Hustler, a Good Vibes Only Movement story

PART 1

WARNING: X-RATED, MAY INVOLVE FOUL LANGUAGE AND REFER TO INAPPROPRIATE ACTIONS/DECISIONS/SITUATIONS AND NOT SUITABLE FOR PERSONS BELOW 18

Just for kicks, about a year ago, a bunch of my single girl friends and I discovered what seems to be every single person’s CURRENT favorite past time: Tinder. If you’re single and of legal age, you’re probably on it. If you’re single and of legal age and not on it, you’ve probably heard about it. But what is Tinder to the 5-10% brave enough to be in an adolescent/adult relationship (who may or may not include those who’ve put a ring on it and wore it)? 

According to Wikipedia, Tinder is a matchmaking mobile app. According to various blogs that I have visited during my research, it is slowly being regarded as an actual social network. Linked to Facebook, there’s no telling to what extent this app will evolve. Just a year ago, I would have been one of those people who had it downloaded but didn’t even have the guts to actually “play the game”. Now, I’m writing a blog about my very own personal experience of using the app.

YES, it is like a dating app except the word “dating” is a questionable idea in this “social networking” platform. Although, I’ve had a bunch of “couple friends” who did meet on Tinder and they seem happy and all that fantastic jazz, but how often does it really happen and for how long does it last? I have yet to hear a happily ever after come out of a Tinder match, and for my couple friends out there who met on this app, I have my fingers and my toes crossed for you.

So before I proceed with the juicy details of my on-field research/experience, here’s a quick back story to make things a little more interesting and for the emphatics to wallow in disbelief:

3 months ago I moved to HK to run away from some REAL BAD people and a horrible, horrible person who made my life for the past 3 years a living hell - making me feel like I’m worthless and undeserving to be seen around in public, kicking me out of his room even as I am incapable to move just to be in bed with another girl, keeping me around so he can use my car for his convenience, etc. - just a few to list down to put emphasis on added insult to injury. (If you’re interested to know more, I may or may not have posted a couple of blogs or two in the past on here - maybe more!)

3 weeks ago, a couple of my girl friends and one of them in particular who got me to download the app came to visit me to celebrate my birthday, and we just wanted to party like crazy before she left for New York. Before that, I was a homebody. I wouldn’t go out, I’d come straight home from work, and I’d sleep earlier than an average young adult with raging hormones and watch my favorite TV series and finish about 10 episodes in one sitting. I was kind of boring. Yeah, I was definitely the definition of a “bore” for someone my age.

Disclaimer: For the past 4 years, I had been working in the nightlife industry in Manila so I was out almost EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. This was a quick hiatus, and I very much enjoyed being boring

Back to the story, the girls were here and I wasn’t going out before that so I didn’t really have people to introduce them to and of course as a host, I wanted them to have as much fun as we could possibly have. One of those friends (who no longer is a friend btw – long story) just wanted to meet boys. No judgments at all, but I didn’t even have boys for myself, and I certainly was too out of the game or what not that I didn’t even know where the good places to go were and meet people, even in general. Enter Tinder idea. The girls were here a total of 4 days, and in 4 days all we did was swipe left, swipe right, the occasional screenshot of the guy biting on a rose, the guy who looks like a cat, and the weird cat photo, the never-ending “what are you up to tonight” questions and the occasional small talk before the question “S.E.X?” comes up or the straight forward “SEX” no question marks needed, and by that time you probably just want to unmatch with all the right out douchebags, give up and delete your account and app altogether. Then there’s a small pool of men who you bet gets swiped right ALL THE TIME, which makes being on the app a lot more interesting and kind of judgmental basing swipes on physical appearances rather than a person’s personality. But whom are we really kidding? Physical appearance makes up a big chunk of the decision-making when it comes to the opposite sex and relationships. Then there’s another pool of men who gets the 50-50, and those I believe are the most dangerous kind. These are the players who’ve been in the game a while who’re well aware that they’re good-looking but not too good-looking for a girl to feel insecure when they’re around. These are the boys who put more effort in what they wear or how they walk and how they talk and what cool stories they can tell a girl. These are boys who knows how to sweet talk a girl into meeting up with them and gets them all prepped and excited for the night of the meet up. These are the boys who can make a girl fantasize about them even before they’ve had a face-to-face conversation. These, people, are THE BOYS. No matter how old, no matter how tall or short or big or small they are they are boys. These are the boys claiming to be men (who should definitely think about going that direction soon) who take pride in the number of girls they hook up with in a weekend, in a day, in a month and share all the gory, gross details over dinner with their “homeboys”.

That weekend, the girls successfully met up with 2 Tinder boys – as we’d like to call them and one of them just happened to be a common friend of one of my Tinder matches who constantly bailed on me that whole weekend. And like any girl who gets a little shut down, I persisted. I’ve only ever met up with one guy before this particular match and that only lasted 20 minutes, and sad to say I wasn’t at all enamored in the conversation that we shared. I didn’t want to lead him on, and so I decided not to pursue that one.

Back to the match after that, to which I will refer to as Mr. D from now on forth, I think it was the fact that we had a common friend that made me really want to meet him and finding out that he played basketball – I am sucker for that sport, and it has always brought good memories of my childhood and chilling with my dad way back when. It may also be because he had a cute smile in his photos and he seemed old enough to know what he wanted so I said hey, why not! It’s just one casual meet up, and I just wanted to know if he was the real deal (and if he actually looked like he did in the photos). Whatever it was, it was obvious that I wanted to meet up. And you know what? That was the first time in over 2 years that I was interested in someone other than Manila guy. I was pretty stoked because I haven’t had a little crush on anyone in such a long time. It was something new and finally! It was just what I thought I needed.

- End Part 1

8PM
I miss my Bubba 🐶 #goodvibesonly  (at Galeria de Magallanes)

I miss my Bubba 🐶 #goodvibesonly (at Galeria de Magallanes)

1PM
With my China Doll and my Snow White last night 😎 #goodvibesonly #hkig #ig  (at The Good Vibration Field)

With my China Doll and my Snow White last night 😎 #goodvibesonly #hkig #ig (at The Good Vibration Field)

August302014
Ladies! Respect yourselves! Don’t let a man step on you like your scum. Cause they don’t know about you and how beautiful your heart is. Do it once, shame on him. Second time around, shame ON YOU. And no, you’re not going to run out of boys. But you don’t need one of those, you’d want a man. #goodvibesonly  (at The Good Vibration Field)

Ladies! Respect yourselves! Don’t let a man step on you like your scum. Cause they don’t know about you and how beautiful your heart is. Do it once, shame on him. Second time around, shame ON YOU. And no, you’re not going to run out of boys. But you don’t need one of those, you’d want a man. #goodvibesonly (at The Good Vibration Field)

1AM
Photobomb success and just feeling fly with this lady V right here! #goodvibesonly  (at The Good Vibration Field)

Photobomb success and just feeling fly with this lady V right here! #goodvibesonly (at The Good Vibration Field)

1AM
This chick doe. #goodvibesonly  (at The Good Vibration Field)

This chick doe. #goodvibesonly (at The Good Vibration Field)

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